How to sound more confident

... even when you don't feel it

Photo by ThisisEngineering on Unsplash

Hello!

You want to speak up in meetings. You have to give a presentation. You’re preparing for a speaking exam. But speaking in English makes you so nervous! What can you do? 

How can you sound more confident, even if you don’t feel it?

I’m thinking about non-native speakers who have to do these things in English but a lot of it is true when you’re speaking your first language too.

I’m also thinking more about women than men because I mostly work with female students, helping them with their English and their confidence. Also, women are perhaps more likely to worry about what other people think of them and women are sometimes judged more harshly than men are.

I know these are generalisations that are not always true and I know that both men and women can be judgemental, so I’m not being sexist here.

I also want to point out that we might judge another person on how they speak without even realising that we’re doing it. It’s often a subconscious thing.

Sometimes we find a person’s voice annoying but we don’t really know why. There’s a woman I see on TV whose voice really irritates me and I often have to reach for the remote control when I hear her! The reason? Look at point 4 below!

Some of my tips are relevant to men as well as women, and I think it’s good for all of us to be aware of these issues.

I’ve found a number of websites with advice for women on how to sound more confident. I’ve also found websites which say we should stop telling women how to speak! I’m just going to give you a few things to think about and then you can make up your own mind.

---

Here are my tips on how to sound more confident: 

1. Slow down

A lot of people speak faster when they are nervous. One way to sound more confident is to deliberately slow down. Don’t let the words come rushing out of your mouth. And it’s OK to pause between sentences sometimes.

As well as sounding more confident, you’ll also have more control over your language. You’ll have more time to think and you’re less likely to make mistakes. All of this might make you feel more confident as well as making you sound better.

2. Know when to stop

I’ve noticed that some of my learners keep talking until I interrupt them. Each time I ask a question, they start answering really well but then they feel some need to keep going. They start repeating themselves and hesitating more as they run out of ideas. It would be better if they stopped a bit sooner.

This is especially true for students preparing for an exam but it’s also relevant if you have a job interview or you’re answering questions about your presentation or in a meeting.

3. Lower your pitch

“Pitch” means how high or low your voice is. Women naturally have higher voices than men. On top of that, our voices can go higher when we speak. So if you’re practising a presentation, try lowering the pitch of your voice.

Margaret Thatcher, the first female Prime Minister in the UK, famously lowered her voice very deliberately so she sounded like she had more authority. I’m not suggesting you go that far but just be aware of the pitch of your voice and keep it under control.

4. Avoid uptalk

“Uptalk” or “upspeak” means letting your voice go up at the end of a sentence, making it sound like a question. I've read in various places that women do this more than men and it can result in them sounding less confident.

Uptalk can make a person sound uncertain or like they’re waiting for their listeners to agree with them. It makes the speaker sound less professional, less convincing and less authoritative. So practise making your voice go down at the end of a sentence.

5. Worry less about what other people think

As I get older, I worry less about what other people think of me. People are always going to judge other people. Sometimes they don’t even know they’re doing it. We can’t control how people react to us or what they will think. So why waste time and energy worrying about it?

You can choose which of my tips you’d like to try but perhaps the most important thing is to be yourself and not worry too much about what other people might think.

---

I hope you can find at least one small thing in today’s email which helps you or makes you think.

Until next time,

Katie

PS Next week, I hope to have something exciting to share with you. Something to help you with your English confidence. So remember to look out for my email next Thursday!